Karate Kid?

Here's another ridiculous accusation Miss Thomas-Morgan makes in her petition against harassment. "In the past, Mr. Palmer, when visiting our home (pre-[Divorce]), would oftentimes warn me not to make any fast moves around him, because he might 'accidentally' go into marital arts mode and do a quick chop to my neck and kill me."

Unbelievable. Literally. (Judge Jones, did you believe this?) This fantasy has its origin from a funny story from about ten years ago. (By law, you can only cite incidents a year old.) Look, even if Mr. Palmer said he might accidentally karate chop someone, exactly how is that harassment? It's not "an act directed at a person." And if this story were true, why would the late Mrs. Bodine invite him back numerous times, ask him to house sit, etc. ? Why would she let her oldest son go on a evening missionary journey with our blogger? And if he was so dangerous, why would she let him teach her daughter some martial art moves, training her what to do if someone grabbed her hair from behind. (That's how it's going to happen, ladies.)

We suppose our blogger should be flattered that Thomas-Morgan thinks his martial arts skill are so refined. At one time, they were fairly good, but, truth is, even before the punch to the eye by an angry Mormon gal on Christmas Eve 2005 (which almost blinded him), our blogger stopped training long ago. Look how unskilled he is in this attack on him in 2005! Totally flat footed instead of in a stable stance.

In any event, here's the real story: In happier times, when the Bodines were the Bodines and we enjoyed each others fellowship around the dinner table, their youngest, Johnny (six years old?), who was fascinated with a baton our blogger usually wore, sneaked around the table and, coming up from behind our blogger, touched the top of the baton.

Now, any of you who are police officers or any who carry have probably been trained with a reflex reaction to stop anyone from grabbing your weapon. (Gun takeaway training.) So, to our blogger's surprise, the muscle memory from training kicked in and, quite reflexively, his right elbow shot up in preparation for a rear elbow strike.

But he didn't strike because part of his training was also to look at your target before you strike. So it was a balk.

That brought out the story of how our blogger had just finished a training session about how to fend off someone coming up from behind you. He was at a Walgreen's, waiting in line at the cashier, when a friend came up and tapped him on the shoulder. Still in "training mode," our blogger's arm came up to sweep away the tap and his left loaded in preparation to throw a cross. But, as always, he looked before following through. His friend laughed and said, "Wow, I'm never going to do that again," and we all had a good laugh around the dinner table.

He never told Thomas-Morgan he might do a quick chop to her neck and kill her. Aside from being a ridiculous thing to say, and almost impossible to do, the style of self-defense our blogger took, Reality Defense Training, does not teach karate chops. (Probably because they don't work in real life situations. RDT teaches closed fist punches and open hand strikes.)

Hey, Bodine children. YOU were there that evening Johnny touched the baton. YOU know the truth. Your mom is delusional. She's paranoid. She's lying and in sin. She needs help.

Will you help her?

If you're afraid of her, then you've proved there's a problem. You shouldn't be afraid of your own mom. Speak the truth to her in love. It's the only antidote you have for her condition.